it's untitled. :)
Since the last post I went on a wonderful trip for a week and re-connected with friends, made new ones, fell in love with Ontario more and more after every beach, every fruit/veggie stand, and every ray of sun on my skin. Sometimes I couldn't believe I was living in this gorgeous country. I have to say, after hearing "California girls" numerous times I believe California is totally overrated and Ontario is underrated. Agree? I knew you would.
After that I've just been sorting things out within and writing every worry and negative thought out on a piece of paper is incredibly therapeutic. I've been a lot more positive since, thus my optimism is kicking my pessimism's ass!
One new change that shall be coming my way is the amount of breeze felt upon my neck. I've been toying with the idea of shaving my head all summer and then I FINALLY visited the Canadian Cancer Society this past week and spoke to someone about raising money for shaving my head and it's underway. I raised over $200 in TWO DAYS! I am blown away from the support. My goal is $500 by August 25th.
Sometimes I forget about the shaving and all of a sudden I remember and start worrying in a highly superficial manner. "What if I look incredibly ugly?" "Will I look nice in a summer dress?" "What if people think I'm a lesbian and no boys like me?" and then I remember...
all of these things are petty, petty things. First off, there are so many ladies who shave their head because they have to. They have no choice, they didn't decide to have a disease that attacks their cells. Here I am with an amazing life, good health, nice hair and really no reason to complain. Looking at myself in the mirror will be a constant reminder of how lucky I truly am.
Secondly, why should I care what people think? It's my life, my decision. If people are so shallow that they judge me completely just by first glimpse, they are not needed in my life. I want to break these stereotypes of what it means to be beautiful. I am also very curious to see how many people assume I like girls just because of my hair style.
You could say this is a social experiment.
As mentioned above, feelings of anxiety and fear rear their ugly heads sometimes but so does excitement and a positive impatience of getting it done. Just the usual set of feelings one gets when feeling a change in the wind.
Another change in the wind is this upcoming year being my last at my wonderful York. My last amazing frosh week, my last york timetable and many more "lasts at York" which currently is frightening and sad to me. My heart and mind have grown so much since I first arrived there 3 years ago and now I'll have to say goodbye. Most people are excited to end yet I find the idea of leaving depressing. I have no idea what the future holds (no one does) but that scary dark abyss of non-university life awaits and I haven't even sharpened my sword or sewed the rips within my armour. It's not a battle or a war but it's life and it can be as crazy as a raging dragon.
Deep breath.
Phew.
After a few of those I regain consciousness and realize that things always work out even if it doesn't seem that way at first.
(p.s. that doodle is from andre jordan. Check out his other doodles, they are happy, they are sad, they are honest.)
So my question for you today is... what do you take for granted everyday that you don't really think of unless you stop and think about it. (stop and think... then type it right under here.)
I would have to say it's the everyday habits of love in my house. Whenever I leave, get up in the morning, or if I just plain feel like it cheek kisses and hugs are there if needed. HUGS ARE A MUST PEOPLE. The world needs hugs and if ever you are in need of one, know I am here.
Have a happy week
:)
Hey Gen now that I think about it I really take everything my parents do for me for granted and I'll realize that when I go away for school. Thanks for this Gen, I think I'll start thanking them more often. Btw love the name of your blog very clever.
ReplyDeleteSteve
This was a nice read =).
ReplyDeleteI've been having the take-for-granted feeling a lot lately too. When I am studying at the library, there are large windows to my side that lookout to campus lower field. This is a really nice green area in downtown Montreal. All day you can find people just sitting, relaxing, running around, walking to and fro. Everyone seems to be enjoying peace. I realize, even though I am looking outwards, I'm still part of the bigger setting. Downtown Montreal, Quebec, Canada even!
Then I start wondering what other people are up to around the world. When I do this, what comes to mind are the people going through hardships. Wars, natural disasters. This changes the way I look out the window. I imagine a desolate field. Riddled with destroyed trees, debris, and hardly a soul around, if at all.
It makes me wonder, what if Montreal was the war field or site of a natural disaster. What if water was not so readily available, food, a roof on the top of my head. The privacy and comfort of closed walls to retreat to, or the openness to inspire me without worrying about being shot are drowned.
Then I thank Allah and realize I am extremely fortunate. While thoughts of health such as those you mentioned with the head-shaving come to mind too, my salient thought has been PEACE.
Then I come back to reality. I look out the window again and it is as it was when I first looked out. It inspires me to do things immediately that can help less privileged people as fortunate as myself. It also inspires me to set long term goals to keep contributing.
=)
Gen I think that you will look beautiful with your head shaved, also, think of how awesome it will be feeling the wind right against your scalp! Lol, I have always wanted to shave my head just for that feeling. Anyways, proud of ya, love :)
ReplyDelete<3
Britt
What an amazing and inspiring blog post Gen. I am so proud of you for doing this <3
ReplyDeleteI think I take the people around me for granted sometimes, my loving family and friends who are always there for me :) When I stop and think about it I realize how blessed I am to have them.